I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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