I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
areolas are like halos for boobs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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