I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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