Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
