How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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