you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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