your parents love me but you hate me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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