I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
