maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
