i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
