Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
