it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you will always have a special place in my vag
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
