I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
