thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
