id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
