Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
