The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize