i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
