So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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