You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
