I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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