To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
