i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
