I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i love accidental penises.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
