Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Vodka?
Forever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
