Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
