the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
