Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
