how can u be prego again
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
