My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
