One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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