New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
