We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
