I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
