I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
