meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
