I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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