he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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