you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize