It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize