I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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