I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
