If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
