dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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