I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
