I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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