2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
