Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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