That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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