All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I party with great urgency now.
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