And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize