Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
