i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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