well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
