so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
