For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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