that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
