Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize