I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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