I just made out with a guy for $7.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
