I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
