I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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