If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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