Can Purell be used as lube?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize