Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
