Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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