i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
