I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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