Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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