Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
