Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
