Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
