Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize