I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
