If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
