And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
