I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
