Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well you can't waste a boner
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
