respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
