evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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