I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just tell him i said nine months
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
