Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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