Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
