I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize