i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
