I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
