i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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