hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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