Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
