I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
