i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
