OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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