You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
