I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize