im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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