he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
