There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
