I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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