Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
